Fiddle-Dee-Dee, Said Scarlett

Ugh, I am exhausted and moody. Still just from trying to kick the habit, but at this point....yeah. It's really starting to get to me and I'm realizing that perhaps a ridiculously stress filled time where I am on edge is not the best time to quit smoking.

I just did a bunch of number crunching for con, and I am a bit less freaked out. It looks like I will be able to set aside $20 to commission my art. I already know what I want, too. Envy and Lust done up like Fallout 3 raiders. I figure that is a lot easier than trying to find an artist who is familiar with Lost Odyssey. There's only one artist I know of who is familiar with the canon and hits the cons, but she isn't listed as an attending artist for this one. And I really, really hate asking artists for commissions of things they don't know, even if they say they'll gladly go off of reference. And part of that is for me, because I've found the few times I've done it, the art has been...well, technically very good, but lacking in characterization. Which makes sense, if the artist isn't familiar with the characters. But I also feel it puts them in kind of an awkward position.

Someday, though, I am going to commission that Jansen and Ming Cherry Blossom Festival pic I've been wanting for over a year.

And it looks like my gauzy pirate pants are done, save for elastic! Whoot! Goggles...well, I'm having some technical difficulties with my goggles, but I'm trying another tactic for my eye cups later today. At the moment, I have no energy whatsoever. It's terrible. I'm not even dressed, really, I just pulled a skirt on as a dress and tossed a robe on.

I've done nothing but eat food and I just want to nap.

Long story short:

I'm trying to quit smoking and every little thing around here that can go wrong is going wrong. Nothing is monumentally or life-alteringly awful, it's just a snowball of Murphy's Law combined with raging nicotine cravings I can't always deny. Which in turn makes me feel guilty and miserable and like a failure. Which triggers the craving for nicotine which I try and deny and that makes me feel angry and frustrated and ready to crawl out of my skin.

And I'm trying not to freak out about PCC being in two weeks and having so much still needed to do, or the fact that I haven't heard from husband_brother since Friday or the fact that my parents keep legitimately fighting with each other.

Essentially, I am unfit even for discourse 'tween man nor beast.