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But I'm feeling pretty lucky today. :D
Actually I'm just feeling normal. But normal is good these days. Normal is happy. I can't honestly remember the last time I actually got mad over something. I get faintly sad about things, but not angry. I feel a lot better overall, honestly. While my health problems aren't improving any, I feel a lot differently about them. I feel differently about everything, and it's wonderful.
I think I'm in the middle of some sort of metamorphose. A good one, clearly. My outlook on life has shifted so much recently. I've been studying eastern philosophy a great deal more recently. I've been finding myself. I've been rediscovering the beauty and joy in the world around me. I've honestly and truly stopped caring what people think of me.
I know I've said that for a long time, but I've realized the true difference between actively not caring, and legitimately not caring. It's nice to be natural. It's also nice to have a sense of freedom. Not caring about perception is, I think, the most singular sense of freedom out there. And it's so liberating and invigorating! Because once that came, then came the sense of well being and contentedness and hope. I wake up every morning feeling happy to be alive and excited about what the day might bring.
I think this is what people mean when they talk about 'finding your inner child'. As a child, the world is full of joy and wonder and possibilities. Everything is new, everything is a horizon, everything is full of potential and creativity. And then, as we grow, most of us lose that. A lot of us - myself included - try to hold on to it.
It's not as hard to recapture as I thought. I feel that sense of wonder and possibility again. Sure, some of the things I do and say probably seem really silly, even stupid, to other people...but I figure if I'm happy and healthy and well-adjusted...
What in the world does it matter if people think I'm silly?
Actually I'm just feeling normal. But normal is good these days. Normal is happy. I can't honestly remember the last time I actually got mad over something. I get faintly sad about things, but not angry. I feel a lot better overall, honestly. While my health problems aren't improving any, I feel a lot differently about them. I feel differently about everything, and it's wonderful.
I think I'm in the middle of some sort of metamorphose. A good one, clearly. My outlook on life has shifted so much recently. I've been studying eastern philosophy a great deal more recently. I've been finding myself. I've been rediscovering the beauty and joy in the world around me. I've honestly and truly stopped caring what people think of me.
I know I've said that for a long time, but I've realized the true difference between actively not caring, and legitimately not caring. It's nice to be natural. It's also nice to have a sense of freedom. Not caring about perception is, I think, the most singular sense of freedom out there. And it's so liberating and invigorating! Because once that came, then came the sense of well being and contentedness and hope. I wake up every morning feeling happy to be alive and excited about what the day might bring.
I think this is what people mean when they talk about 'finding your inner child'. As a child, the world is full of joy and wonder and possibilities. Everything is new, everything is a horizon, everything is full of potential and creativity. And then, as we grow, most of us lose that. A lot of us - myself included - try to hold on to it.
It's not as hard to recapture as I thought. I feel that sense of wonder and possibility again. Sure, some of the things I do and say probably seem really silly, even stupid, to other people...but I figure if I'm happy and healthy and well-adjusted...
What in the world does it matter if people think I'm silly?
