Side Effect Two: Becoming a Humorless Dick

So, here's something that bothers me a little bit.

The concept that 'I don't care what people think of me' equals 'I can be as big a dick as I want'. No, seriously. I don't understand how those two came to be synonymous. There's a very large difference between the two.

I mostly don't care what people think of me. If I did, I wouldn't be prone to dressing 'funny' (by modern conventional standards), I wouldn't be in the habit of wandering around the immediate neighborhood in my pajamas, I wouldn't talk to myself in public, and I'd keep my more bizarre hobbies to myself.

I also believe strongly in tact and civility and manners. Because while I don't care what people think of me, I also have no desire to be a raging, insult slinging bitch. It's not 'cool' and it's not 'edgy'. It doesn't make a person more interesting or intriguing or whatever the bizarre belief is. It makes a person a dick.

I've bemoaned the crumbling sense of manners and etiquette in modern society many a time, and I suppose this falls into the same category. Being polite? Isn't hard.

I promise.

(Obviously this is not directed at anyone on my Flist, but a general gripe.)

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I have this horrible feeling that within the next few days, I'm going to be wandering around the neighborhood offering random neighbors baked goods. Because I've made a lot of things that can't be mailed to friends, and probably won't all be eaten by the household.

I just finished up a chocolate mint cream pie in chocolate crust, and now I'm eyeing this recipe for chocolate phyllo chimichangas.

I clearly can't be left alone. I did this in Seattle, too. When I'm knocking around the house alone, I get weird and fidgety and to keep it from escalating into a full scale panic attack, I bake. I need to focus on it, it takes mental and physical energy, and there's a nice structure to it that keeps me calm.

Went grocery shopping! It was rather grueling, and I feel awful because I exclaimed 'fuck' in front of a little old lady. :/ I hate swearing in front of people who are older than me - I never really grew out of the idea that 'all 'adults' are authority figures, authority figures need to be respected a certain way' and even now, anyone significantly older than me gets labeled the same way.

I did have a very nice pick-me-up, though. I took my cart up to a register, and there was a new bag boy, probably early twenties. He not only bagged my cart, insisted he take it out for me because of the weather, but he rushed around the stand to unload it for me and put everything on the belt. And chatted enthusiastically the whole time. This was not done for the people before or behind me. And I know it wasn't the cane, because when I go shopping, I don't use it. I use the cart as a walker. So that cheered me up a great deal.