Very nicely put.

I also don't understand the "it's just a _____" people who try to shut down criticism. They're often the ones who most viciously or persistently attack those who dare to say anything negative. If it's unimportant enough that we should bother criticizing, why is it so important to them that everyone else enjoy it the same amount and same way?

I'm sorry you've had to deal with so much crap in fandom. It should always be the good fun stuff.