Advent Fic #3

[said_scarlett]

Title: Chivalry Is Dead (And Haruhi Likes It That Way)
Author: theladyfeylene
Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club
Pairing: Haruhi/Tamaki
Rating: Borderline NC-17
Word Count: 2128
Prompt: Pr0n
Written For: zinjadu
Author's Note: This is humor. Despite the high rating, this is more funny than it is hot.
Summary: Tamaki had been excited about his father sending he and Haruhi away for Christmas vacation. Until he realized that much more was expected from this vacation than he'd realized....



Tamaki was frozen. He couldn’t move. He could barely think.

It wasn’t because he was spending Christmas in Latvia - Haruhi had wanted to, and he could deny her nothing. It wasn’t because he’d just eaten parts of a pig he was pretty sure were never meant for human consumption. It wasn’t even because someone had put fish scales in his pocket.

It was because the room his father had booked for them was only one room. And the room had only one bed. A bed Tamaki was sitting on having a crisis of morality.

“Bathroom’s free.”

Tamaki yelped. Haruhi was dressed in loose pajamas, toweling her hair. What were they going to do? She hadn’t even mentioned the sleeping arrangements! He couldn’t sleep in the same bed with her! That would be wrong!

He just nodded and bolted into the bathroom. How could his father do this to him? He was a gentleman! He wouldn’t dream of something like that until after he and Haruhi were married!

Oh, but to sleep next to her…

Tamaki quickly splashed cold water on his face. He couldn’t think like that! Not with Haruhi right there in the bedroom! Their bedroom…

No! No, no, no. He needed to get a grip on himself. He brushed his teeth and washed his face, trying to ignore the fact that a scantily clad Haruhi was just in the other room. He could control himself. He wasn’t some rabid monster!

After changing into his own pajamas, Tamaki returned to the bedroom. Haruhi was in bed with a book. Oh! Oh! She was so beautiful! So intent on her reading! Tamaki sighed, hands clasped together as he watched her.

“You can watch TV if you want,” Haruhi told him, looking up. “It won’t bother me.”

“Oh.” Tamaki swallowed hard. “Ah… I think I’ll just go to bed!”

“The light won’t keep you awake?” Haruhi set down her book, eyeing him critically.

“No. I…ah… I’ll sleep on the couch. Ahem.”

“Why?”

Oh dear. What did she expect? Did she think he would be improper towards her, just because they were getting married next year?

“It wouldn’t be right to make you sleep on the couch…” he offered, weakly.

“Tamaki. Get into bed.”

“Ah…”

“Now.”

“Eep!” Tamaki hesitated and swallowed hard. He approached the bed as if it were some sort of monster. Haruhi was still watching him. He sat gingerly on the edge, as far from Haruhi as he could manage.

“In bed,” she prompted, glaring. Tamaki just nodded and dragged his legs onto the bed, positioning himself so he was sitting against the pillows. On top of the covers. Haruhi turned on the television.

“There,” she said, and went back to her book. Tamaki wasn’t paying attention to the television. He was sitting rigidly, only aware of the fact that Haruhi was right there next to him. He could smell her shampoo. He heard her turning pages in her book. He didn’t think he could take it.

“Haruhi….”

“What is it now?”

“I just… I can’t…” He trailed off with a pained whine. Haruhi set aside her book and turned to him, shifting on the pillows.

“You’re this freaked out about us spending the night together?”

“Mrrr….”

“You do realize what happens when two people get married, don’t you?”

“But that’s different!” Tamaki sat up. “That’s married! We aren’t yet!” Fantasies were one thing. Reality was another.

“So?” Haruhi sat up. “Alright, we’re dealing with this right now.” She put away her book and turned off the television. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m being a gentleman!”

“You don’t have to be!” Haruhi sighed. “Tamaki, I said I’d marry you. We’re going to get married. That means sleeping in the same bed. Sleeping together.”

“But…”

“No buts. Marriage is just a piece of paper. It’s not really some magical ceremony that makes everything married people do okay. This isn’t the middle ages, so it‘s okay to sleep together before we‘re married.”

Wait, what? Sleep together? She meant just sleeping in the same bed…

But she’d said them as separate things a minute ago. She had. But Tamaki didn’t have too much time to think about it, because Haruhi was reaching up and sliding her hand through his hair and then she was kissing him. Kissing Haruhi wasn’t anything new. Kissing Haruhi in a bed was.

But it was such a nice kiss. Haruhi still tasted like toothpaste. Well, this wasn’t so bad. Tamaki returned the kiss, settling into the pillows when Haruhi eased him back against them. She was so small and soft! And… oh. This wasn’t normal. Haruhi was leaning over him, kissing him deeply. But it was so nice! Tamaki just laid back and let Haruhi kiss him, not adding anything to their encounter.

“Here. This is hurting my back.” Haruhi moved, and she was suddenly sitting on top of him.

“Eh…” She was so light, he could hardly feel her.

“I told you. We’re dealing with this now.” But she was smiling. At least she wasn’t upset with him anymore. She reached down and took his hands and before Tamaki could react, she’d placed them firmly on her…

“ACK!”

Tamaki jerked away as if he’d been burned. That had… he had… why had Haruhi done that?!?

“They’re just breasts, Tamaki.”

WHY HAD SHE SAID THAT?!? Tamaki flushed scarlet, pressed as tightly against the headboard as he possibly could.

“I… you… WHY?!?”

“Because you’re being an idiot.” Haruhi lifted her eyebrows. “Tamaki, you’re not doing this because you respect me or because you really think if something happened it would be wrong. You’re doing this out of some misplaced idea of what’s ‘right’ between men and women. You’re not being a gentleman, you’re being an idiot.”

Tamaki frowned. But… he was doing what was right! He was being respectful!

But was it really respectful if Haruhi wanted to… to… wanted something to happen? He was very confused. In his mind - one that was rather stuck in a fantasized ideal of chivalry - women were delicate flowers that…

Then he remembered that this was Haruhi. Haruhi wasn’t a delicate flower. Haruhi wasn’t a normal girl.

“I’ve never…”

“I know.” Haruhi’s voice was dry. “Neither have I. But only a complete idiot wouldn’t be able to figure things out.”

“This isn’t very romantic…” Tamaki had gone from outrage to confusion and was slipping into sulking.

“Who said it had to be?” Haruhi leaned down and kissed him again. Maybe she was right. Maybe he was being an idiot about all of this. If Haruhi wanted to, and he wanted to, what was wrong?

Thinking was becoming very, very hard for Tamaki. Haruhi’s hair was brushing his cheeks and her lips were soft and persistent. He still wasn’t sure where to put his hands, or what was going to happen. But Haruhi solved that problem by once again guiding his hands for him. This time he didn’t jerk away. He cupped her small breasts gently, not certain what to do. He really didn’t know how these things went. But he couldn’t ignore the fact that he was really, really enjoying this. And he doubted Haruhi would be able to, either.

Tamaki flushed. He knew he probably shouldn’t be embarrassed, but he couldn’t help it. Especially not with Haruhi on top of him! And he knew she could feel it. He could feel her against it!

“Ah…”

“Um. It’s fine.” But Haruhi was blushing, too. “It’s normal.”

“Right.”

“You can move your hands, if you want.”

“Oh.” Tamaki took his hands away. He sort of regretted it. He had liked that, touching Haruhi like that.

“I meant… haven’t you ever watched any hentai?”

Tamaki’s flush deepened. Of course he had! But he didn’t think it was right to admit that to Haruhi! Especially not now! Wait, how did Haruhi know what went on in hentai?

“I’ll take that as yes.” Haruhi shook her head. “I’m not going to break if you touch me.”

“Right.” Move his hands. He could do that. Tamaki’s expression became serious and he reached once more for Haruhi’s breasts, rubbing his palms over the small rounds of flesh. They were warm. Very, very warm. Was this right? Haruhi looked like she was enjoying it… her eyes were closed, anyway, and she wasn’t frowning. That was a good sign, right?

It was becoming harder and harder to ignore his own reactions. And the fact that Haruhi was practically sitting on that reaction. What would they do about that? What would they do about anything?

“Is this…?”

“That’s better. A little bit… no, more pressure. Like this.”

Haruhi’s hands were over his again, pressing his palms snuggly against her breasts. He let her moved his hands, figuring she probably knew what worked better than he did. And obviously she did. He could feel her, feel that she was enjoying it. He was beginning to relax.

“See?” Haruhi leaned down again, forehead pressed against Tamaki’s. “It’s easy.”

Easy wasn’t how Tamaki would describe it. Terrifying, wonderful, confusing… not easy. But Haruhi was moving again, shifting, and she wasn’t guiding his hands anymore. She was…

“Ah… you don’t…”

“Stop telling me what I should and shouldn’t do.” Haruhi pressed a quick kiss to Tamaki’s lips. “One of us has to take the lead, and I’m not going to wait all week for it to be you.”

Tamaki flushed again. He didn’t withdraw when Haruhi moved his hand, guiding it between her legs. There was still cloth between his fingers and… anything too intimate. He could do this. Well, maybe. If Haruhi wasn’t touching him the way she was. She was… oh. Oh! How was he supposed to do anything when she was touching him like that?!?

He tried to do something with his fingers. He tried to move them to pay attention to what Haruhi was trying to make his hand do. But her hand was making it impossible!

Haruhi didn’t have her eyes closed anymore, and she was frowning now.

“I..ah…I… I don’t know what…”

“I know,” Haruhi said, squirming some. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for both of them to touch at the same time. But as far as Tamaki could tell, that wasn’t going to be a problem for very much longer. Haruhi’s hand was doing amazing things to him. Well, really she was just rubbing her hand up and down against him, but it felt amazing!

“Ah… Haruhi…Ah…”

“Just wait a….oh.”

Tamaki turned scarlet. He hadn’t meant for it to be over so fast! But it didn’t take much! Just Haruhi sitting on him, slightly flushed and panting and squirming and…

“Sorry,” he mumbled. Haruhi just shook her head.

“It’s fine.”

“Should I… what should I do?” His hand was still between her legs. Oh god, he’d never felt anything so warm before!

“Keep doing what you’re doing,” Haruhi told him. “No, put your thumb…not there, no…there!”

Oh! There. Tamaki rubbed his thumb against the spot Haruhi had indicated and he watched her back arch, her small breasts pressed against the now-tight material of her thin pajama top. If Tamaki hadn’t already finished, he would have right then and there. He’d never seen anything as amazing as this before.

“Eh…Haruhi…?”

“Nnng!” Haruhi clearly wasn’t in shape to carry on conversation. She was trembling. Tamaki bit his lower lip, his wrist aching. His hand was starting to cramp up. Haruhi kept shifting, moving slightly and keeping his fingers right where she wanted them. He had no idea how long it took for girls. Much longer than men, clearly.

Finally Haruhi made a strange noise and sat back, thin shoulders shaking.

“Can I have my hand back?” Tamaki asked. It really did ache! Haruhi just rolled off of him and laid back on the bed. Tamaki rubbed his wrist. What now?

“That was…”

“Uh-huh.”

They lay there beside each other, on their backs for a few minutes. Tamaki’s wrist started to feel better.
“I’m going to take a shower. Eh…and change my pajamas….”

“Okay. I’m just going to lay here for a bit.”

“Alright.” Tamaki stood up and looked down at her, flushed and damp and still breathig heavily. “Was that…?”

“It was good,” Haruhi said, smiling. Tamaki swelled with pride. He’d done good! He’d made Haruhi happy! Very very happy if her sated appearance was ay indicator. Even if he’d finished much too early…

“But next time… “ Haruhi added, “can you try to hold it a little bit longer?”