Faye (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
said_scarlett) wrote2004-05-23 07:44 pm
said_scarlett) wrote2004-05-23 07:44 pm
Fic
Title: Variations in Arcadia
Pairing: Severus/Remus
Rating: R
Summary: Remus just wants Severus to stay the night.
Author's Notes: This was supposed to be my Sleeping Refuge fic, but...it sort of took on a life of it's own and I had to post it. Un beta-ed. Enjoy!
Life, Remus Lupin had learned early on, wasn’t fair.
It was a cruel lesson, and an unpleasant one, but it was fact nonetheless. Life wasn’t bound by any rules of morality, or justice, or goodness or fairness or any other of the myriad of human made laws that governed mortal existence.
Remus felt he was lucky, having learned that at such a young age. Being bitten by a werewolf at age five was a pretty hard hitting lesson in the overall fairness of life. It was probably one of the least fair things that could possibly happen. To be doomed to a life of a pariah, a monster, and Dark Creature for no other reason than being in the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time.
No. It wasn’t fair. Nor was it fair that James and Lily fell to Voldemort, that Harry was raised by the most vile people on the face of the earth, or that Sirius spent his life in Azkaban, released only to go mad and perish.
There was no fairness that man didn’t make himself. And when you held that up to the light, you could see through it like wax paper.
It was easier to just accept it, though, than rant and rail against it. There was nothing the individual could do to change the way of the world, and it was easier to simply make the most of what life threw at you.
Which was why Remus lay on his side, lips turned down in a thoughtful frown as he watched Severus Snape do up the many buttons that paraded up and down his waistcoat. At least ten different variations of ‘you don’t have to leave’ ran through his mind, as they did at least once a week. But he never said any of them. What would be the point? Severus had made it very clear he had no desire to spend any time in Remus’ presence, other than the time it took for them to ‘take care of business’.
Remus sighed inwardly, stretching out an arm to grope for the half crushed pack of Benson and Hedges that sat on the nightstand.
“You can’t even wait until I’ve gone to start in on your filthy habit?”
“Sorry,” Remus said, propping himself up against his pillows and pulling out a cigarette. “But after that….”
“Mmm. Quite.” Waistcoat was buttoned, and now the black haired man was looking about for his robes. Remus spotted them near the door, half kicked under a chair. He decided not to point this out. Every moment counted, at least in his mind. He lit his cigarette, eyes straying to the window. It s beginning to rain. Not all that unusual for this time of the year, but Remus’ weather sense told him this was going to be a bit more than just rain.
“Storm’s coming,” he said, mildly.
“Oh?” Severus stood, mouth pulled down in a bit of a scowl. “It hardly looks like more than a drizzle, Lupin.”
“I can smell it,” he said with a shrug of his lightly scarred shoulders. Even as he spoke, the steady tap-tap against the windowpane increased, the rain shifting to batter it in horizontal sheets.
“I have no desire to go mucking about in the rain,” Severus said, folding his arms over is chest and glaring out the window into the foul weather. A brilliant flash illuminated the dimly lit room for a moment. Severus insisted on keeping the lamps low.
“You’re welcome to stay.” Variation Number 1.
The offer was met with a rather stern glare. In the distance, thunder rolled.
“Damnation! Why does Albus insist on no magic being used anywhere near this place?”
“To be on the safe side,” Remus said as he put out his cigarette. “It’s late, the weather’s turned foul….just stay.” Variation Number 2.
“There are spare bedrooms?” Severus’ eyebrow shot up, as though challenging Remus to dispute him.
“Of course there are,” Remus said slowly. “But I hardly see why you’d need one.” He lay back down, arm stretched out under his head. “There’s more than enough room for both of us. Why don’t you stay with me?” Variation Number 3.
“I do not….do that,” Severus said simply. Another flash of lightening lit up the room, bathing both men in a ghostly light.
“And why not?” Remus asked, fingers curling in on themselves as he watched Severus with bright amber eyes.
“That is none of your business,” Severus snapped.
“Considering we’ve been shagging for the past four months, I’d say it is,” Remus said.
“Simply because I share your bed does not mean I am your friend, Lupin.” Severus’ tone was icy enough to turn the rain outside to hail.
“No. It makes you my lover, which is something far more intimate.”
“Intimate?” The potion master’s lip curled. “Sex is hardly intimate. You’re harboring romantic ideals and maudlin notions, Lupin. Any brothel girl or their client could set you straight.”
“You’re attempting to tell me that what we just did wasn’t ‘intimate‘?” Remus sat up now, sheets falling away from his chest. His skin was still marred by slight red marks, the manifestation of Severus’ lips and teeth. “How can you possibly say that sharing yourself completely with another human being isn’t intimate? Just….couldn‘t we try? Spending the night together?” Variation Number 4.
“We share out bodies, Lupin, nothing more.” Severus ran a hand through his hair, beginning to look exasperated. “And this is why.”
“What do you mean ‘this is why’?”
“You are…emotional. Nostalgic, sentimental….” The potions master waved his hand vaguely in Remus’ direction.
“And are those really such awful things?” Remus wet his lips, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and leaning forward.
“To me? Yes. I am a practical man, Lupin. I have no place in my life for nonsense or frippery.”
“And that’s what I am to you?” Remus raised his eyebrows, looking up at Severus from the bed. He didn’t bother to keep the resentment out of his voice.
“No. But that is what you stand to become, should you insist on making this arrangement any more than it is.”
“We could have more than this…..” Variation Number 5.
“We ‘could’ have many things,” Severus said, sighing and finally joining Remus on the bed. “But we will not. And if you continue in this vein, I am inclined to believe we should call the entire affair off….”
“No.” Remus wasn’t giving up what little he had. It may be only a night a week, an hour or two a night, but it was his. It wasn’t fair, but it was his. He sighed, leaning against Severus and resting his head on the other man’s shoulder.
“Lupin….”
“Just shut up a moment, will you?” Remus closed his eyes, breathing in the other man’s scent. He could smell himself on him, mixed with sweat and sex. It was the same scent that clung to the sheets and the pillows. And to him. “I hardly see how one night would change everything.” Variation Number 6.
“No. You wouldn’t,” Severus said softly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means what I said, Lupin. You wouldn’t see the danger in one night.”
“There is no danger,” Remus said, turning to nuzzle Severus’ neck gently. “You don’t have to leave.” Variation Number 7.
“I know I do not have to.” Severus’ voice was soft and slightly strained. “But I want to.”
“Have you ever wondered what would happen if you stayed?” Variation Number 8.
There was silence for a long moment, Severus staring at the closed door. Remus glanced up, watching his eyes as best he could from his current position.
“Yes.”
“And?”
“And what?” Severus tilted his head, regarding Remus as one would regard something particularly loathsome.
“What do you think of it?”
“I think it would be a bad idea.” No further information seemed to be forthcoming. But Severus was in a much more talkative mood than usual, which was rare. Remus decided to take advantage of it.
“Oh.” He closed his eyes again, acutely aware of the fact that Severus wasn’t pushing him away. “Severus….”
“What now?”
“Why do you always insist on making love in the dark?”
“First of all, we do not ‘make love’, Lupin. We sleep together. We have sex, we shag, if you wish to be crude we ‘fuck’. But we do not make love. Secondly….it is an act better performed in the dark.”
Remus honestly wasn’t sure at that moment why they were sleeping together. He was in fact beginning to wonder what had attracted him to Severus in the first place. His wit, his keen intelligence, his sarcasm, his dark and brooding airs….all of which were still there. Simply tempered with reality.
“I think you’d look beautiful in morning light.” Variation Number 9. Number ten didn’t bear thinking on.
“I am not beautiful, by morning light or any other, Lupin. Another foolish notion.”
“I think you are.” Remus shrugged as best he could. Maybe if he could just keep Severus talking….
“Mmmm. Who’s about tonight, at any rate?”
“No one.” Remus shook his head. “It’s just you and me.”
“Ah. I see.” Severus sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face. “It’s getting late, Lupin. I need to sleep.”
“Mmmm.” Now it was Remus’ turn to make a noncommittal noise. He sat up, raking his hair out of his eyes. Severus had yet to stand, but he was poised too. Remus licked his lips, laying back on the bed and curling up behind his lover. “Goodnight, Severus.”
“Lupin…..”
“You can call me Remus.” He opened one eye to look at Severus. It was nice, laying on the bed like this with him so close. “Or would that be dangerous, too?”
“Remus, then.” Severus twisted, expression blank and eyes revealing nothing. “I suppose….as I am already here….”
“Yes?” Both eyes were open now. Severus was undoing the buttons of his waistcoat, slowly.
“Don’t play stupid, Remus.” The waistcoat went, followed by vest and trousers.
“Put out the lamp, while you’re up?” Remus asked, sliding over to make room in the bed. He received a stern glare, but Severus complied, dimming the lamp until only the barest hint of light touched the room.
“One night,” he said, as he climbed into bed.
“One night,” Remus repeated. He smiled softly, snuggling up to Severus’ thin form under the blankets. The rain still drove against the windows, but it was a welcome and lulling sound.
“I mean it.”
“Of course.” Remus rested his head on Severus’ chest, smile widening in the dark as the other man’s arm went around him. One night. He’d managed one night, he could manage more.
And maybe, at some point, he’d even try out Variation Number 10.
When he was certain that Severus would say it back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And a meme:
Which flock do you follow?
this quiz was made by alanna
Pairing: Severus/Remus
Rating: R
Summary: Remus just wants Severus to stay the night.
Author's Notes: This was supposed to be my Sleeping Refuge fic, but...it sort of took on a life of it's own and I had to post it. Un beta-ed. Enjoy!
Life, Remus Lupin had learned early on, wasn’t fair.
It was a cruel lesson, and an unpleasant one, but it was fact nonetheless. Life wasn’t bound by any rules of morality, or justice, or goodness or fairness or any other of the myriad of human made laws that governed mortal existence.
Remus felt he was lucky, having learned that at such a young age. Being bitten by a werewolf at age five was a pretty hard hitting lesson in the overall fairness of life. It was probably one of the least fair things that could possibly happen. To be doomed to a life of a pariah, a monster, and Dark Creature for no other reason than being in the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time.
No. It wasn’t fair. Nor was it fair that James and Lily fell to Voldemort, that Harry was raised by the most vile people on the face of the earth, or that Sirius spent his life in Azkaban, released only to go mad and perish.
There was no fairness that man didn’t make himself. And when you held that up to the light, you could see through it like wax paper.
It was easier to just accept it, though, than rant and rail against it. There was nothing the individual could do to change the way of the world, and it was easier to simply make the most of what life threw at you.
Which was why Remus lay on his side, lips turned down in a thoughtful frown as he watched Severus Snape do up the many buttons that paraded up and down his waistcoat. At least ten different variations of ‘you don’t have to leave’ ran through his mind, as they did at least once a week. But he never said any of them. What would be the point? Severus had made it very clear he had no desire to spend any time in Remus’ presence, other than the time it took for them to ‘take care of business’.
Remus sighed inwardly, stretching out an arm to grope for the half crushed pack of Benson and Hedges that sat on the nightstand.
“You can’t even wait until I’ve gone to start in on your filthy habit?”
“Sorry,” Remus said, propping himself up against his pillows and pulling out a cigarette. “But after that….”
“Mmm. Quite.” Waistcoat was buttoned, and now the black haired man was looking about for his robes. Remus spotted them near the door, half kicked under a chair. He decided not to point this out. Every moment counted, at least in his mind. He lit his cigarette, eyes straying to the window. It s beginning to rain. Not all that unusual for this time of the year, but Remus’ weather sense told him this was going to be a bit more than just rain.
“Storm’s coming,” he said, mildly.
“Oh?” Severus stood, mouth pulled down in a bit of a scowl. “It hardly looks like more than a drizzle, Lupin.”
“I can smell it,” he said with a shrug of his lightly scarred shoulders. Even as he spoke, the steady tap-tap against the windowpane increased, the rain shifting to batter it in horizontal sheets.
“I have no desire to go mucking about in the rain,” Severus said, folding his arms over is chest and glaring out the window into the foul weather. A brilliant flash illuminated the dimly lit room for a moment. Severus insisted on keeping the lamps low.
“You’re welcome to stay.” Variation Number 1.
The offer was met with a rather stern glare. In the distance, thunder rolled.
“Damnation! Why does Albus insist on no magic being used anywhere near this place?”
“To be on the safe side,” Remus said as he put out his cigarette. “It’s late, the weather’s turned foul….just stay.” Variation Number 2.
“There are spare bedrooms?” Severus’ eyebrow shot up, as though challenging Remus to dispute him.
“Of course there are,” Remus said slowly. “But I hardly see why you’d need one.” He lay back down, arm stretched out under his head. “There’s more than enough room for both of us. Why don’t you stay with me?” Variation Number 3.
“I do not….do that,” Severus said simply. Another flash of lightening lit up the room, bathing both men in a ghostly light.
“And why not?” Remus asked, fingers curling in on themselves as he watched Severus with bright amber eyes.
“That is none of your business,” Severus snapped.
“Considering we’ve been shagging for the past four months, I’d say it is,” Remus said.
“Simply because I share your bed does not mean I am your friend, Lupin.” Severus’ tone was icy enough to turn the rain outside to hail.
“No. It makes you my lover, which is something far more intimate.”
“Intimate?” The potion master’s lip curled. “Sex is hardly intimate. You’re harboring romantic ideals and maudlin notions, Lupin. Any brothel girl or their client could set you straight.”
“You’re attempting to tell me that what we just did wasn’t ‘intimate‘?” Remus sat up now, sheets falling away from his chest. His skin was still marred by slight red marks, the manifestation of Severus’ lips and teeth. “How can you possibly say that sharing yourself completely with another human being isn’t intimate? Just….couldn‘t we try? Spending the night together?” Variation Number 4.
“We share out bodies, Lupin, nothing more.” Severus ran a hand through his hair, beginning to look exasperated. “And this is why.”
“What do you mean ‘this is why’?”
“You are…emotional. Nostalgic, sentimental….” The potions master waved his hand vaguely in Remus’ direction.
“And are those really such awful things?” Remus wet his lips, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and leaning forward.
“To me? Yes. I am a practical man, Lupin. I have no place in my life for nonsense or frippery.”
“And that’s what I am to you?” Remus raised his eyebrows, looking up at Severus from the bed. He didn’t bother to keep the resentment out of his voice.
“No. But that is what you stand to become, should you insist on making this arrangement any more than it is.”
“We could have more than this…..” Variation Number 5.
“We ‘could’ have many things,” Severus said, sighing and finally joining Remus on the bed. “But we will not. And if you continue in this vein, I am inclined to believe we should call the entire affair off….”
“No.” Remus wasn’t giving up what little he had. It may be only a night a week, an hour or two a night, but it was his. It wasn’t fair, but it was his. He sighed, leaning against Severus and resting his head on the other man’s shoulder.
“Lupin….”
“Just shut up a moment, will you?” Remus closed his eyes, breathing in the other man’s scent. He could smell himself on him, mixed with sweat and sex. It was the same scent that clung to the sheets and the pillows. And to him. “I hardly see how one night would change everything.” Variation Number 6.
“No. You wouldn’t,” Severus said softly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means what I said, Lupin. You wouldn’t see the danger in one night.”
“There is no danger,” Remus said, turning to nuzzle Severus’ neck gently. “You don’t have to leave.” Variation Number 7.
“I know I do not have to.” Severus’ voice was soft and slightly strained. “But I want to.”
“Have you ever wondered what would happen if you stayed?” Variation Number 8.
There was silence for a long moment, Severus staring at the closed door. Remus glanced up, watching his eyes as best he could from his current position.
“Yes.”
“And?”
“And what?” Severus tilted his head, regarding Remus as one would regard something particularly loathsome.
“What do you think of it?”
“I think it would be a bad idea.” No further information seemed to be forthcoming. But Severus was in a much more talkative mood than usual, which was rare. Remus decided to take advantage of it.
“Oh.” He closed his eyes again, acutely aware of the fact that Severus wasn’t pushing him away. “Severus….”
“What now?”
“Why do you always insist on making love in the dark?”
“First of all, we do not ‘make love’, Lupin. We sleep together. We have sex, we shag, if you wish to be crude we ‘fuck’. But we do not make love. Secondly….it is an act better performed in the dark.”
Remus honestly wasn’t sure at that moment why they were sleeping together. He was in fact beginning to wonder what had attracted him to Severus in the first place. His wit, his keen intelligence, his sarcasm, his dark and brooding airs….all of which were still there. Simply tempered with reality.
“I think you’d look beautiful in morning light.” Variation Number 9. Number ten didn’t bear thinking on.
“I am not beautiful, by morning light or any other, Lupin. Another foolish notion.”
“I think you are.” Remus shrugged as best he could. Maybe if he could just keep Severus talking….
“Mmmm. Who’s about tonight, at any rate?”
“No one.” Remus shook his head. “It’s just you and me.”
“Ah. I see.” Severus sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face. “It’s getting late, Lupin. I need to sleep.”
“Mmmm.” Now it was Remus’ turn to make a noncommittal noise. He sat up, raking his hair out of his eyes. Severus had yet to stand, but he was poised too. Remus licked his lips, laying back on the bed and curling up behind his lover. “Goodnight, Severus.”
“Lupin…..”
“You can call me Remus.” He opened one eye to look at Severus. It was nice, laying on the bed like this with him so close. “Or would that be dangerous, too?”
“Remus, then.” Severus twisted, expression blank and eyes revealing nothing. “I suppose….as I am already here….”
“Yes?” Both eyes were open now. Severus was undoing the buttons of his waistcoat, slowly.
“Don’t play stupid, Remus.” The waistcoat went, followed by vest and trousers.
“Put out the lamp, while you’re up?” Remus asked, sliding over to make room in the bed. He received a stern glare, but Severus complied, dimming the lamp until only the barest hint of light touched the room.
“One night,” he said, as he climbed into bed.
“One night,” Remus repeated. He smiled softly, snuggling up to Severus’ thin form under the blankets. The rain still drove against the windows, but it was a welcome and lulling sound.
“I mean it.”
“Of course.” Remus rested his head on Severus’ chest, smile widening in the dark as the other man’s arm went around him. One night. He’d managed one night, he could manage more.
And maybe, at some point, he’d even try out Variation Number 10.
When he was certain that Severus would say it back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And a meme:
Which flock do you follow?
this quiz was made by alanna
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Ah...Variation Number 10....it's what I always hope for, for the two of them.
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I can't wait to read another Sev/Remy story of yours!!
Little ^_^
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I'm glad you enjoyed the fic!
Crossdressing Severus? *wanders over to take a look*
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How're you doing? Have you found a new specialist yet? Has any more of your stuff been destroyed by the ferrits of doom?
How was your weekend? ::feels nosy::
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No....I went again today, too, and there's been nothing new. Other than I got treated like a cow by being prodded repeatedly in the ass. (Testing for nerve damage)
I actually almost had a really bad ferret pocky accident. i'm exhausted, and I went in to clean out their cage and let them roam loose, and I forgot to pick up my shoebox full of pocky packages. The fuzzies descended. I grabbed them just in time!
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::is impressed::
I'll do up an HTML file of it and send it along. :-)
Yay! I have no idea how long it'll take me to get that together at this point, but I'll try to be quick about it. I'm just so unmotivated lately. It's not like I have a social life or anything (sorry, I've just felt extra whiney about that lately, I think my birthday threw into sharp relief all of the things I don't have, the really important things, and it's made me kind of sad(der than usual) the last week.)
Other than I got treated like a cow by being prodded repeatedly in the ass.
So I take it that's not in a good way, eh? Pity. ::does bestest Jack Sparrow imitation, fails when she realizes she's much more a Norrington:: I'm sorry it was so crappy, hon, I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. ::snugs::
I actually almost had a really bad ferret pocky accident
That sounds serious! Oh no! Umm...what's pocky? ::is ignorant like an ignorant thing::
Have you figured out yet anything about a job transition? When are you looking to start working? Is the move to Seattle still on? I was happy that you were so excited about that, even if it meant you were further awaaaaaay from me ::sniffles, makes it all about me, damnit!:: I'm really hoping that works out for you! ::offers encouragement and cookies::
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Yeah, no, the ass prodding wasn't fun. A lot of pressure was applied to nerves to see if they hurt or not. They did. *grumbles* Why can't I have a hot young female specialist? At least I'd get something out of the as prodding then!
Pocky's a sort of japanese candy. It's chocolate on a sesame seed stick, it's very good.
The move is definately on! Im going back out there to do the job hunt thing and scope out flats. Health thingies are just making it a titch difficult.
*snugs* Wherever I am, I'm only an email away babes.
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I re-read it slowly to take in every word. My heart ached for Remus every time he tried, but also for Severus, every time he refused.
And the end....the end made me swoon.
Fabulous.
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